Diary of a P.A. student('s wife)

Clinicals.
If you haven't been living in this house for the past 10 months-which is 99.9% of the population-you probably have very little idea, if any, what a big deal that word has been.
Clinicals. Always like that. Actually, in even bigger letters...Clinicals. There. That's better.

Clinicals meant...well, it means a lot of things. The start of a new year; the second year of P.A. school.
An end to the classwork, and some of the crazy fire-hydrant-book-learning. And the start of all things hands-on and people related. In other words, my husband's forte.
For quite awhile, it meant the possibility of being separated for six weeks or more; or relocating for part of the year.
Basically, clinicals has been a big, giant, much-talked-about question mark in this house. But now...
Let me back up a minute. First, this year. This crazy, crazy fast year of book-learning. Didactic year has been...well, interesting. Not easy, but not horrible either; thanks to a wonderful husband who gets it and does his best to keep first things. And, of course, we've had a lot of Divine help.
    It's been challenging for both of us and has required even greater discipline-from both of us.  You wouldn't think I'd necessarily need to be more disciplined, seeing as I'm not the one in school; but I absolutely did. I've found that living a bit more disciplined life in some areas has actually led to more flexibility, more calm in our days, and simply everything running smoother in general. Which I'm sure is no brain wave to most people; but let's face it, I'm NOT the type-A one in this family and there's definitely an element of fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants in my blood. I've been working on it. So, now, I get up voluntarily between 5:15 and 5:30 (Adam is up by 4:30, to get a little more studying in...but he's always been better at super-early mornings than late nights. Baker's son and all that.). This early rising is perhaps shocking to my mother. I've found, though, it's been vital to smooth (and slower) mornings, which I do much better with. This way I have time for things like quite times and exercise and getting a load of laundry done and the dishes unloaded before the kids wake up. You know, all those things that help you not to be a crazy person (or at least, a little less crazy). Plus, when you have a husband who is up so early that he brings you your morning tea nice and hot before you've even sat up in bed most days...well, that helps a lot. A LOT. Really, I don't know what I'm gonna do when he's not a student anymore and gets up at a more normal hour-or when he works nights and isn't around to make my tea. I'm thoroughly spoiled. I know this.
    And yet...somehow, even with all the newly-added organization/discipline in my life, there's been a serious lack of time. Time for things like blogging, anyhow. Also, that whole homeschooling-during-the-smallest-son's-naptime might have something to do with it. Either way, it means that somehow I've let a WHOLE MONTH go by between the time we found out about Adam's clinical placements and the blogging of it. In fact, I didn't even think about it until I started getting questions from aunts and good friends and cousins about where he'd be doing clinicals...oops. So, to answer the question-we're staying in the Valley! Adam had requested a couple of rotations up in Colorado, but between the school's requirements and the doctors' available time, it simply didn't work out. And while it would've been fun to have a 6-week adventure in Colorado with family, there's no denying it's much, much easier not to pack up a family of 5 with three young kiddos for six weeks. Believe me, I've done it before. Doable, but not easy! 
    We're also incredibly thankful that Adam will be able to come home at some point every day. This is truly an incredible blessing. Several students, including some with families, have clinicals in places that are over an hour commute each day-which means they'll most likely be finding a place to stay for the week and home only on weekends. Going into this clinical process, I prayed for two things: that we'd be able to stay together as a family, and that Adam would get the preceptors and clinical sites he needs to learn what he needs to learn. I knew I'd be able to handle anything else that came our way.  I'm so incredibly thankful to see how the Lord has answered the first part of that prayer-and I can't wait to see how he answers the second part! 
    Neither of us can believe how quickly this first year has gone. We're down to the last 7 weeks...it'll be 7 weeks of craziness, but STILL! It's only 7 weeks. Then a few weeks off to breathe, and then....the fun begins! 
 

Diary of a P.A. student('s wife)

I am anxious.

Yet even as I type, I'm fighting a prayer-filled battle NOT to be.

You see, I know it all. I Know my God is bigger, that He cares for this family. I know that He's called us to Phoenix, to PA school, to the way we're navigating these waters with me as a stay-at-home mom. I know He sees the size of our checking account, knows how many weeks are left to go before the next loan dispersment, knows what we need in the meantime.

I know He will provide.

I've seen Him come through for us time and time and time again.

So why do I still grow anxious when I check the bank account and find there's less-much less-than I'd anticipated? WHY do I allow fear to creep in, to take over my attitude, to lash out when all that is needed is to trust?

Get away from me, anxious heart...trust in your Lord!

Quiet down, frantic mind...listen for your Lord!

Have peace, oh my soul...He knows 

and sees

and cares

and DOES PROVIDE.

God is putting me through a season of heavy loads 

     so that I can finally see how much unnecessary extra I've carried my whole life.

He is allowing PA school to refine me, and my husband, even as the Lord prepares us for a different kind of life on the other side of all this.

(Because there is another side, and all of this has a purpose.)

You know those prayers you pray sometimes...the ones that echo King David's prayers, that earnestly cry out, 

Search me,O God, and know my heart;

    try me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24)

   I prayed that many months ago. I pray it still today. He heard, still hears, and is answering. Like gold being refined...at times it's hot and uncomfortable and I cry out. Once it's over, though! So precious, what comes out of that Fire! As I learn to replace His truths with the lies I've believed for so long-in so many areas of my life-it is fire. But through the fire

              comes the freedom. And oh, the Lightness of that freedom.

And now, pictures of my adorable children (at least, I think they are) to end this post on a lighter note...

Diary of a P.A. student('s wife): So we had a Monday. (and my baby has a concussion.)

Monday...ahhh, Monday. It started out pretty well; everyone slept,  I had hot coffee and time with God to start my day. Even got a shower...although a certain tiny boy was up at that point. Actually, all 3 of them were up and running, at 6:30. So, that was the beginning of it-well, that and the part where Adam took an extra 20 minutes to study and then still decided he could "fit a run in" before he left. Which made him dash out the door 10 minutes late (I think we said "good morning!" in there somewhere...), not horrible but not good on a quiz day. Ok, we can settle into our day now, right? Until I saw his briefcase. Still sitting on the counter. Ten minutes AFTER he'd left. A quick phone call, a sigh, a car turned around, another phone call to ask if I'd meet him at the end of the driveway, 8 minutes of waiting at the end of the driveway chatting with the construction workers; a quick kiss thru the window, and I thought Monday could settle down.
      After the baby finished breakfast, I set him down and let him run around the house while the others eat, do devotional with me, etc. Then I started the never-ending dish cleaning....
...and quickly discovered that Blaise is now tall enough to see onto the giant island in the middle of our kitchen. Where he spotted his sister's bracelet, full of tiny beads, which I'd confiscated from him sometime last week. He asked (ie, pointed and said, "dat! dat! dat!") if he could have it; I told him that wasn't for Blaise, that it was sister's, and turned back to scrubbing the oatmeal pot (ohh, the oatmeal pot!).
      My children are strong-willed. Have I mentioned that before? ALL of them, chiefs. Which pretty much means that half the time they assume what mom says is just a suggestion, or possibly means, "try harder". So, quietly, he scooted the step stool over to the oven door; then proceeded to climb onto it. I glanced back just in time to see him try to climb up the oven...and too late to save him from falling, hard, onto the unforgiving tile, cracking the back of his head. Thankfully he hit his cloth-diaper covered bum first. But he screamed, I quickly checked and picked him up, he screamed, Blythe stood in front of the freezer deciding which cold pack to get him, I grabbed one out, he screamed....poor baby. He cried and cried for at least 5 minutes, which is a long time in little-kid-injury-cry-time. Then he just lay on my chest, and that was my first clue that something was not right. I mean, other than the fact that he'd just cracked his head on the tile...but kids hit their heads a lot, and B had dance class, so he lay on the couch while I helped her find her tap shoes, a tutu, braided her hair, grabbed sand toys for the boys, and got everyone into the car. Thinking his behavior a bit more unusual than the normal head bonk, I texted Adam and told him what happened, asking him about concussion symptoms. He sent me a check list back, asking if he'd thrown up, how his pupils were, etc. I glanced at him quickly and thought they looked ok and no barfing, so probably he was mostly ok. He was still crying off and on in the car and was quite pale, so I gave him his plug, thinking it would soothe him.
   By the time we'd dropped off the books at the library, he'd fallen asleep. At that point, I was pretty sure we had a mild concussion on our hands...and then he woke up and threw up everywhere.
    Miraculously, I'd managed to arrive at dance class 10 minutes early; which every mom tries to do always because of potential barf or blowout issues but, well, you know how that goes. I was fully prepared to send Pax in to drop off B at class. But, thankfully, I managed to get it all cleaned up in time to get her into class. She met up with her little friend Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's mama walked out to the playground with us.
     I think we made it all of 10 feet before I told her what happened...see, Elizabeth's mama was a pediatric trauma nurse before having her oldest. It's helpful to have these friends...make a note of that :) As I got to the part where Blaise had fallen asleep and then thrown up, I could see her face change. She asked if she could hold him for a minute and gave him a quick check; then explained that while he seemed mostly ok (he recognized her, smiled, no issues there) he most likely had a mild concussion and I needed to keep a close eye on him. That afternoon before naps I also noticed that his right pupil WAS slightly bigger than the left...but they were both reacting to light equally. So, we went the path of close observation and lots of prayer...after another call to Adam, more checking, waking the poor guy up every 30 minutes during naptime to be sure he would wake up easily; a call to my cousin the ex-paramedic for more tests to check for signs of bleeding, coordination, cognition, etc; and one final check by Adam with his cool pen light when he got home. (it IS handy to have someone in the medical field in the house) Verdict? concussed, yes. Mild, yes. Ice? almost impossible with this particular 17 month old, even WITH a head injury...but accomplished with the help of a lollipop and lots of singing and rocking. And other than sleeping more than usual, he's pretty much back to normal now...although we're still supposed to "keep him quite" for the next few days to a week. Not exactly sure how that will work, especially since the kid was back to climbing whatever he could on Tuesday; I think our youngest may be the one to give me my first grey hair. And I'd like to thank the city of Scottsdale for their impeccable timing in ripping up the street right in front of our house with many "mighty machines" for the past 3 days- that was quite seriously the best thing my two boys have watched in a loooong time. Their sister liked it, too. Hey, I liked it! We gave water and caramel cookie bars to the "workers" :)
Despite the craziness and stress of Monday, (I felt like I could sleep for a week by the time the kids went to bed that night...)  I'm SO thankful for the prayers of family and friends and that little buddy is healing quickly. In fact, since Tuesday, the day after his fall, he's had a crazy language explosion-both in vocabulary and in the clarity of his words. Slightly ironic, I know. But I'll take it!

Diary of a PA student('s wife): the First Term.

 
    Somehow, just like that, it's August. Somehow, the craziness of PA school has made things time-warp...no longer are we in the first month of school. We raced past that milestone without blinking, and the kids and I flew to Ft. Collins to spend they week of midterms with my folks, and half of this past week with great friends up in Flagstaff. You know, so Adam could bury himself in bodyparts (that sounds weird, but it's kinda true) and come out victorious. Or at least still standing.
   Somehow, we are adjusted (for now, at least) to his crazy study schedule and I have learned to balance having my husband home but not available 90% of the time. I'm seeing more and more just what an incredibly beautiful support system of friends and family we have...I've gained insight from sistercousins on how to deal with the days when it's overwhelming...and then the hubby comes home and must go study. I've been reminded by a dear friend and mentor that each minute does not last forever; and that there isn't a limit to how many times you can ask God for the strength and patience to make it through this temper tantrum and not freak out too each day. I see that even in the hard times, in the exhaustion, in the trips by myself with the kids when I throw up on the airplane as we land in a crazy lightening storm; there is still a beauty there to grasp that does not come from me. (My daughter kept singing joyfully, "oh, no, you never let go; through the calm and through the storm..." and the baby bounced up and down and laughed at the turbulence and Pax stared at the lightening flashing just outside the window and exclaimed, "Oh, wow!!" 18,000 times during that landing...)
      Adam and I are both soaking up more than ever the beautiful truth of, "Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you," (Matt. 6:33)  Adam has learned to be efficient in his studying; and it has made his time more productive. Like drinking from a fire hydrant. He's been home every night for dinner (when we're in town), been there for bedtime every night; and although sometimes I feel the absence of "us" time more than others; the kids know their Daddy will be there every night. That's HUGE right now with the hours some of the students are keeping-but we knew it was a priority. We're both finding out, again, the importance of true connection with each other every day in some small way. And that good communication is worth its weight in gold. And that love notes are never, ever overrated. And so we press on....
    The kids slept better in Colorado than they ever have at my folks' house. It truly was Grace, because as they sleep all-too-often so goes my day; as was evidenced 2 weeks ago when the baby was cutting his one-year-old molars and up three times a night and then the bigs started getting up (for no reason I can find) several times a night themselves which all added up to a very tired, half-lonely, sleep deprived mama who caught a bad sore throat and may have had a tiny breakdown one morning in which the words "it's not fair!" poured out with my tears....for about 2.5 seconds. Until I realized, again, that there is no guarantee of fair, only of grace.  Having the right priorities, being intentional, meeting the needs of my husband and kids, filling up my heart with the Lord's goodness daily, checking my attitude...these things are essential. Wonderful. But they don't guarantee an "easy" life, only a life rich with goodness. Some days I have to look harder than others to find the richness. But it's always there.
   It was there on my bathroom mirror later that same morning, where my husband had written:
 What to say?
Know that even in struggle you have great purpose.
Your effort...your great work is NOT in vain.
Your Lord God sees and loves you.
He is your strength.
He is your comfort.
Look up and be encouraged.
(yes, I absolutely know how wonderful he is. He knows I think he's wonderful, too.)
  
     And then there's Celine..the grieving we are all going through along with all the craziness of PA school is continual. We think about her often, of course. Some days, the kids come to me and simply say, "I miss aunt C.C."; to which I can only reply, "Oh, honey, so do I,". But we don't ever leave it at that. We talk about where she is, what heaven might be like, what she might be doing. Why she left. Who she's with. We've had more conversations about the what-ifs of heaven in the past 3 months than I ever have before...because they want to know what it's like. Except I don't know what all of what it's like, of course; so I tell them what we do know and sometimes we "maybe its" the rest. But we always, always end these conversations with good memories about times we spent with her...because that's the best way to remember her and celebrate her life. And I want them to remember her.
    It breaks my heart a little, sometimes, when Blythe asks me what she used to do with Aunt C.C. She's three-and even though she's very smart, she's too young to remember some things very long. So I talk about how we were in Paris with her when Blythe was almost two; and when Aunt C.C. was here for her third birthday and played tea party with her new tea set. How Celine loved to carry B around long after she actually needed someone to carry her because B was so tiny.
    I think about the picture I found on my phone (which used to be her phone) just a few weeks ago of Celine and her sushi and I smile even as I tear up a bit; and I am thankful for this chance to teach my children that it's ok to grieve, it's good to let yourself feel the sadness because it means they left an imprint in the softness of our hearts; but that joy-the good memories and the knowledge of what comes next-always comes at the end. I find myself wishing our kids had memories of their Aunt Erica, too; but instead I give them mine, so when they think of both their aunts together they have an idea of who she is, too.
   So tonight, Adam will come home. A bit late, but he will be here. We'll eat breakfast for dinner and play in the pool and put the kids to bed exhausted, since there was no napping  today. And I'll go to my computer, put on my headphones, smile at my studying husband across the room....and remember again how very far we've come to get to this point. How very blessed we are. First term finals almost done. Next week, we will rest and just be together and talk and talk and talk.
I can't wait :)

April in Paris.

This is Notre Dame. It's the one time our camera worked on our morning excursion last Sunday; an ambling walk along the Seine across bridges and around old stone buildings to the huge church on the Pont. The bells were ringing...you could hear them long before we got to the cathedral. Deeply resonating and beautiful. And did you Notre Dame has several play areas, around the back and side? They do. Including a sand box-that's where we were, surrounded by these wide-spreading, blossom-heavy, incredibly gorgeous trees. There was a little old man there, too, sitting in the corner of the sand box with a pile of sand toys. He'd brought them for the kids-whoever they might be-to play with.

In which we go to the Awful Tower.

       Yesterday was an idyllic day. The weather has finally decided, once and for all, that it is spring; there were suddenly women everywhere in dresses and skirts where the day before there were only skinny jeans, scarves and boots. And since it was sunny and warm, we had decided it would be a good day to head to the Tour Eiffel. We went last time we were here, of course. But since Blythe has been asking to go to the "Awful Tower" for, oh, at least 4 months now...we knew we'd be going again.

    We came at it from a different metro station (due to getting an early start and hitting rush hour traffic on the Metro-yikes. A little nerve-wracking with 3 kiddos!) and decided to walk the last half mile or so, from the Ecole Militaire (military academy) up the Champs de Mars. So, after a quick stop at a friendly neighborhood Starbucks.....oh, by the way, if you're ever over here and find yourself in need of an easily accessible  public restroom-find a Starbucks. Seriously. Public restrooms are a bit hard to find here...as are water fountains. And a way to make a return at a store without filling out 8 pages of paperwork. Or get a checkbook or debit card from the bank where you have an account. Actually, a lot of things are just a little more complicated than they need to be.... Don't worry, my husband agrees. As does my French father-in-law, most of the time ;)

      So back to Starbucks. Add in a stroll down another street or two, a stop to take our jackets off, a look at the military school...and we turned onto the Champs de Mars. It's an impressive sight, at least for me; the long, rolling greens broken up by paths leading to the huge tower. And guess what we discovered today? There are two super-great playgrounds, a mini carousel, and a tiny cafe hiding there in the shadow of the tower! We knew there's a big carousel on the other side of the tower; but this was even better. The big kids, of course, wanted to go play; and we were all for. You know there's a certain amount of play-energy that kids need to expel every day, right? Regardless of whatever regular "exercise" they may get, they will be antsy/twerpy if they don't expel enough play-energy. So play they did.

      Adam ran up the mall to see about getting our tickets while I watched the kids play. Sitting on a park bench in the "little kids" playground, the sun streaming through new-budding leaves, I had another moment of surrealism. The sand beneath my feet was beach sand, soft with bits of ground-up shells, brought from some French coastline; my three kiddos played just as they do at every other playground we've ever been to (although, still no swings. What's up with that??)....and the Eiffel Tower is looming to my right. I laughed a little about how blase the mothers (ok, and the nannies....this IS Paris) are about their little playground on the Champs de Mars. But, really, I suppose that's how Chicagoans feel about the Sears tower. Or San Franciscans feel about trolley cars. Or Phoenicians feel about saguaros....

      Then Adam came back, and we headed to the tower. We gave the kids the choice of standing in a super long line to ride the elevator, which stops at the second floor and then continues to the tip top (what we did last time), or standing in a shorter line that moved much faster, but then they would have to climb the stairs to the first floor.

They chose the stairs.

Adam was positive we were headed for disaster.

       But they did great! Better than great...they actually loved climbing all the way up to the first floor. I knew Pax would be fine, but I didn't expect Blythe to like it...she's put up a protest a lot on this trip about walking. But apparently this was like hiking-different and, in her young eyes, an adventure! A chance to prove she could keep up with Pax! and she did brilliantly. At the top, we gazed at the view for a bit, then found a little cafe where they had water and pain au chocolate (chocolate croissants...my children have eaten pain au chocolate at every.single.cafe we've stopped at.). And the baby? He did fine, and was very happy when we let him out of the carrier long enough to have a snack. I've been carrying him like a baby kangaroo all over Paris-he tolerates it for a bit, then is ready to be FREE!!

     The rest of the tower was fun. A little viewing of the city, a browse through the giftshop; then hiking back down the stairs and across the neighborhood to get back on the metro. Pax started falling asleep one stop before ours and I felt horrible about making him stay awake...but he's just getting SO big and with the stroller, Blythe, the baby in his carrier, and all the steps in the metro stations-he just plain has to walk.

       After we'd fed the kids a late lunch, put the littles down for naps, and settled Pax, Adam and I looked at each other with a bit of a sigh of relief. Or thankfulness, really...for several reasons we just felt like God had given us a day of Grace. And we needed it, too-a day with no meltdowns, no flipouts, no arguments or fighting-just spending time together, having fun. Now, we certainly have fun and enjoy our kids every day (or, if we're really being honest, maybe for parts of every day)...but today was just a gold-star day. A day we will always remember. A day when the potential you see in your kids is, in one facet or another, fully on display...and you revel in it. If every day was a gold-star day for me, maybe it would be one for my kids, too-but even that morning (which started early) my husband had to remind me that it's about what attitude you chose to have as much as anything. (Actually, what he said when he got back from the bakery was, "Why don't you just go away for awhile? You're not in any condition to be with us right now," He said it half-jokingly, with a smile...but I made myself a cup of coffee and went into the bathroom to get ready by myself, anyway. He was right. I was a bit cranky.) I'm so thankful for our gold-star day...which ended with a trip across the street to jump on the trampolines, because apparently they didn't get all their play-energy out. And now, I leave you with a little video of the day, because the camera we brought shorted out and it's crazy expensive to get a disposable one. Oh, and they're crazy hard to find, too. Why? Well, it's like we tell the kids sometimes...because this is France, and everything is just a little bit different here. But when that "different" means fresh croissants and bread every morning from the bakery just around the corner, and they just happen to sell the best cafe eclairs ever there too...it's a very good different, indeed.

It is what it is!

Pax and I were looking out our huge windows after lunch today, enjoying the business of a Sunday afternoon in Paris and just talking about this and that...what we might explore next, where we'd been this morning. "you know," I told him as we watched the water shooting high up into the fountains in the Place de la Concorde, "We could walk out to those fountains tomorrow...you guys could throw a penny in, maybe make a wish,"
"And I know just what to wish for," he replied with a satisfied look on his face.
"oh yeah? What's that?" I ask, waiting to hear some little-boy-heart's desire.
"Burritos!"
You can take the kid out of the States, but ya can't take the States out of the kid...
(and for those of you who were wondering, my picky eater is actually doing quite well. Of course, Pain au Chocolate almost every day doesn't hurt, either...but it's no bean burrito!)

In which we are on an Epic Adventure.

                I'm sitting on a low, plush red sofa in a 5th story living room thousands of miles away from my everyday home. A few feet away, a grand piano that my littles love to play on during the day rests quietly. It's old and unused to all the joyful noise three children bring, but beautiful. The ceiling over my head, graced with 18 in. crown mouldings painted with hints of gold trim in places, occasionally creaks as the family above us settles down for the evening. Down on the street, traffic with all its lights and noises won't stop anytime tonight, making me thankful for our quieter back bedroom. It's finally dark, although light and time here are so strange that 7pm looks and feels like 4pm or 9am. The garden on the other side of our street is locked now, quiet after the days' bustle of tourists and Parisians soaking up the April sun. And in the distance the Eiffel Tower is lit up, a yellow glow now where minutes ago it was alive with sparkling lights my two oldest oooed and ahhhed over. This is Paris; this is our home for the next month.

We've been on the road for over two weeks now, an adventure planned to soak up the last bit of time before Adam starts the craziness of P.A. school. He left his job at the hospital where he's worked the past year and a half at the end of March, and we began the journey to see family before we flew away for a bit. Driving from our home to Durango took one 10-hour day (almost one-year-olds require LOTS of stops. So do three year olds who happen to get carsick....), where we spent Easter Sunday celebrating the miracle of Christ's love for us at our "old" church while seeing many, many dear friends. Adam and I got to spend a day away at the Ouray hot springs the next day, thanks to our sister-in-law's bravery in taking on all 6 crazy cousins (thanks again, Tiff!!) and it was a relaxing, beautiful day filled with deliciously hot hamburgers and fries at a local brewery and sun. We'd forgotten just how strong the sun is on top of a mountain...and so we'd forgotten our sunscreen. Needless to say, we got a bit pink at the hot springs! But it was so needed, our time away. Trying to pack for a 6 week, 3 location, intercontinental vacation while getting our house back in some semblance of order (I love to come home to a clean house!) was busy enough. Then there was the car accident my mom was in the Sunday evening before we left (the 3rd of those your-mom/dad-is-in-the-hospital call I've gotten since Thanksgiving....not loving those. Being so far away in crisis leaves you anxious and helpless!) Blythe, especially, had a hard time; although she couldn't verbalize to me WHY. She and my mom are great friends... have I mentioned that my sweet little girl has a really, really hard time when she can't be in complete control of any situation? AND that she's an epic shrieking meltdown-er? And that there was A LOT she couldn't control that week? Ai. What a week. (Mom is going to be fine, by the way...but while the doctors were discovering that the accident had given her Broken Heart Syndrome, they also discovered an artery that is 90% blocked. So in that way, the accident was a blessing in disguise. She just needs rest, now, and physical therapy-the former must heal before they can deal with the latter.)

       By the grace of God, a fantastic daddy/husband (who was willing to let me fly up to Colorado with the baby to be there if I felt I needed to-therefore taking alllll the packing, cleaning, and driving of the 2 bigs to Colorado on himself...he was very thankful when I decided I was needed at home more ;) ), and an incredible friend who came over with her family and brought us dinner Wednesday night, left us ANOTHER dinner for Thursday as well as breakfast one morning, and then came over on Friday loaded up with her 2 girls, a kiddie pool, four cans of shaving cream, and food coloring to let the kids blow off some steam....we made it the end of the week. Community, friends. It's a BIG deal.

      Anyways. Back to Colorado. We spent 3 days in D-town, capping it off with dinner at Mark and Jill's house where Pax discovered the world of StarWars Legos...and then headed up to Ft. Collins early the next day. The kids did beautifully that day (yay for sleeping babies! Yay for no puke!) and we made good time. The NEXT day was spent baking and baking and baking some more and making sure my mom wasn't overdoing it and then decorating cupcakes....because the day after that, Friday, April 5th, was Blaise's first birthday! Which will have to be a post for after we get back, because I left the camera I used for those pictures in Ft. Fun. Too much luggage already. But it was fun and we loved celebrating our smart, funny little guy! Fast forward a few days of slipping away when we could for some time together, seeing family, snuggling our new niece, and more rearranging and packing....and we headed to the airport for the epic journey to France. Which went very well, actually; although I learned why you should never, EVER fly with a sinus infection if you can help it. The rest went pretty much as well as can be expected with 3 kids. Although Pax didn't sleep AT ALL for about 24 hours and so eventually melted down...but that was after we'd already made it to the apartment an Paris and to be expected, after all, with jetlag and kiddos.

         My inlaws were already here, on the tail end of a week's stay, when we arrived. They took me one day to the Carrefour (France's version of walmart, only nicer) and helped us stock up on some essentials. VERY nice, since in the area where the apartment is we walk everywhere and the grocery stores are small and you get only what you can carry home in your small, portable grocery cart. Jetlag makes a blur of the first few days and nights, especially with kids-the baby had the hardest time adjusting, with Blythe a close second. I've actually been extremely impressed with Pax on this trip. His ability to adapt to different situations, try new things, step up and take on even more responsibility, start speaking a little French, etc. has been so fun to watch! So we're here, and settled, and exploring Paris with three kids in tow...very good times. Saturday night Adam and I got to go out to a 2+ hour dinner at a teeny chic place right around the corner from Notre Dame, which meant tromping across Paris in the blowing rain and wind (in heels!). We experienced several of those movie-esq umbrella-blowing-inside-out moments and just had to laugh...and throw away the umbrella once we got home :) But walking  back by Notre Dame at night, across one of the padlock bridges...the grounds still and dark, the arches and towers lit up against the night-I soaked up the beauty and the other-worldness of the evening. Sometimes it still feels surreal, that this is part of my life now-Paris. Adam and I are constantly aware of the blessing of all this even as we seeking the Lord's purpose for this in our lives is,  as well as for others. 

      Sunday, the last day before my inlaws left, we had an epic family dinner with my father-in-law's Uncle (88 and still sharp as a tack!), Aunt, and 2 of his cousins....which started when they arrived at 9pm. We didn't even enter the dining room until 10pm, after a "appetiser" course of champagne and some chocolates they brought with them. It's a different world, for sure! I have to admit that as much fun as they can be, I always half-dread these dinners, because although everyone is very nice and, of course, interested in seeing us; they speak entirely in French. And although I understand quite a lot by this point and speak a bit, I have to concentrate so hard to understand the flow of conversations that I'm exhausted by the end of the evening! Well, that and the fact that it was after midnight before the dinner was over...but I've done it before, both in Brazil and several times with Adam's family (the first dinner I ever had with his family was one of these epic French-speaking marathons) so I just buckle down and try to constantly pay attention so someone doesn't say something to me when I'm not listening because THEN where would we be??

     And now, I've rambled on quite enough and this is much too long to add any of the other stories I already have to it...so we'll save the story of how Adam almost got us arrested on the Metro yesterday for another night. A tout a'lhuere!

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Diary of a {pre}Med Student{'s wife}

     Adam came home from work a couple of hours ago; nothing unusual there. Since he has class today, he gets off early. But,as I ran around trying to make lunch for the big kids, mash up a plum for the baby, and sweet up glass and flour off the flour (the flour from a fun "moon-scape" activity Pax was doing earlier; the glass from breaking my French press...boo. No coffee tomorrow!!) he walked in, kissed me, and told the kids to go sit on the couch. That he had something for them...and for me, too. So, once it was safe to walk across my kitchen floor, the three of us sat on the couch and waited.
"Close your eyes!" he says.
A minute or two goes by, as I cover my eyes with one hand and peek at the kids with the other, making sure their eyes are closed too.
"Keep 'em closed!" he says. Now I can hear him doing something with his phone...is it a late birthday gift for Pax from someone who wants to be on the phone while he opens it? I have no clue what's going on.
Adam walks over to the kids and hands them each something.
"Mama, keep yours closed," he instructs, walking away again.

Then he's back, placing a bouquet of roses in my hands as the sweetest sound I've heard in a long time reaches my ears....

"We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted to the Physician Assistant program at AT Stills University...."

the rest of the message got lost in my huge "YAY!!!!" as I threw up my hands, then jumped up and kissed him. "Yay, yay, YAY!!! Congratulations!!" He grinned at me as I looked down and saw an absolutely gorgeous bouquet of white roses in my hands.

      The next few moments kinda went on like that, as we explained to the kids that Daddy had gotten into the Arizona school, ("Good job, Daddy!") and that this meant we get to stay at our house. "YES!!" Pax crowed, after hearing that. Immediately after he ate his lunch (ice cream first...that's what Adam had brought for the kids), he ran outside, peed on a palm tree, ran around the back yard, stripped off his clothes, and jumped into the pool naked. I think that's his way of celebrating.

      I could not be more thankful for the way this whole thing has played out. Remember back in May of 2011, when we started the whole moving-to-Phoenix process? Our prayer was that we'd be able to settle into the place where we'd be for the next 4 or so years, make some friends, find a church, etc. so we could be a bit settled when the husband-man actually started PA school. And that's actually (this time!) exactly what has happened...not exactly in the way we though it would. But it IS happening! A direct, blessed answer to prayer, coming at the end of a challenging year. We didn't exactly see moving 5 times in one year in the picture. Or not hearing anything, one way or the other, from the schools he applied to last year. Or a new baby, for that matter, one who made me sicker than a dog my entire pregnancy and caused my mother to move in with us for 5 weeks at the end. {so incredibly thankful we won't be doing THAT while Adam is in PA school..pretty sure my mother would have had to just move in with us.} I know it's been incredibly stressful for my husband, thinking about moving everyone again; and not the easiest on the kids (especially Pax), dealing with all the moving and the mom-being-sick and the new-baby thing. Although once he was on the outside, Pax at least gave a big sigh of relief. And although it surprisingly wasn't too stressful for me to think of moving again, possibly across the country, I am beyond excited that we are staying here. Adam will still interview at Midwestern in Glendale in 3 weeks, but no matter the outcome of that one-we'll be here, in the hot, for the next 3 1/2 years. At least.
   Adam didn't need to be accepted to 4 schools; one would've been plenty. But God showered His favor on him. Why? I think just to bless him-to show Adam that he's on the right path-and just because God loves him lavishly.
     I don't think-actually, I know-that the answers to our prayers aren't always "yes." They don't always make sense; sometimes we don't even like the answers at all. If God did always answer "yes" in just exactly the way we wanted Him to, my sister would still be alive, for one thing. And I wouldn't be married to Adam. And if somehow we had ended up together, we wouldn't have the kiddos we have right now. So here's what I do know: God's ways are better than my ways; His thoughts see farther than my narrow scope of now does. In every situation, big or small. Even when the answers are "no", "not now", or "yes, but not like that," I've learned to praise Him and, yes, thank Him. For His ways are better than my ways; His thoughts are greater than my thoughts. He knows the end from the beginning, thank goodness, so worrying isn't something I need to-well-worry about. I also know that as humans, we make dumb decisions sometimes. And we have to live with the consequences. I know there's evil in the world...and we have to fight against it. But not alone-never, ever alone.

     Right now, today, as I sit on my couch with all three of my littles napping at the same time (!!); with my husband 200 ft. away in the air-conditioned shop-slash-office off our carport; with dozens of pictures to finish editing from a recent wedding and three more shoots coming up this weekend  I know that God is good. I knew this last night, too, at the end of a rough couple of stay-at-home-mama days; I will know it as we face the next few years of clinical rotations and crazy study schedules and, I'm sure, weeks of parenting without my husband during finals and who-knows-what-else. I'm thankful for the difficult times in my life when I learned this truth in the very core of my being; because now, when life hands us a bouquet of beautiful white roses, the goodness of God flows out of me with overwhelming joy. I'm so proud of my husband-and so thankful to our God. It's not over yet-really, it's just beginning! But after the years of working and studying and applying and waiting, it's so very good just to rejoice right now. {and to know that, for once, I can paint the walls any color I want}

Diary of a (pre)Med student('s wife): halfway there (almost).

It's 7:22 and my children are still asleep..as well they should be. We ( the littles and I) got to my folks's house in Colorado about 10 last night; they definitly didn't go to bed until at least 11:30. Once upon a time, this trip was supposed to be just me & the babe, as I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday and a few other fun shoots lined up.....but that was before the interviews started rolling in. And now? Adam will be on his way to interview #3 tomorrow, in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
2 down, 3 to go.
And you know what's just so cool fantastically, incredibly wonderful??
He's already been offered spots in BOTH the programs he already interview at!
Yup. He's been offered a spot in Philadelphia, and one in Connecticut. Some times it seems a bit surreal-you know, in that we've-been-working-toward-this-for-long-and-now-it's-actually-happening kind of way. He did it! He's actually starting PA school next summer...somewhere.
All the praise and glory to God, whose favor is real and grace is so beautiful-it's a direct answer to prayer. I prayed very specifically back in May when his application was submitted to CASPA for early interviews and early acceptance. This last interview in Connecticut? It was last Saturday. Adam got home Sunday, after a 7-hour reroute through Vegas (that's another story, though; and I found the email offering him a spot in their program Monday before noon. Yeah. It doesn't get much faster than that! I'm so grateful...I know it didn't have to work out like this, but it's just plain fun that it has.And I am so stinkin' proud of Adam! (are you tired of hearing that yet? Well, too bad. I am. And I will continue to tell him and anyone else who listens about it...always. )
So which one will it be? Well, that's the question, now isn't it? In our heads, for the moment, it's Connecticut. But we are continuing to pray for favor in these next 3 interviews, because they are to his top 3 schools. The two in Phoenix, obviously, because we'd love to stay here, in our house, and not have to move again for awhile. Seriously, the thought of staying in the same house for 4years is kinda crazy to me right now, but oh my does it sound lovely! Next choice is Indiana, because of family and a family home to rent that are readily available?
Then, of course, it's Connecticut. You know, the one he's already been accepted to. Cautiously optimistic is the way my husband describes his feelings right now. Thankful to be accepted; yet not wanting to "make" us move again. He's a man...the protector and provider. It's part of who he is, and I love it about him- but I have the luxury of just being beautifully exited for him.
He's been accepted to PA school. It's been a long road, and I know in some ways it's just beginning...but I say, bring it on! Everything we've gone through in the past 3 years, good and bad, has been in preperation for this...I'm so excited, and thankful...and yet, still waiting. But like I said before-I'm really not worried about the interviews.
I know God's got this, and whereever we end up will be the right place for us.
But I think I'm gonna have to change the title of these posts...he's officially not pre med anymore!
Go, love, Go!

Diary of a (pre) Med Student('s wife): So it begins.

This will be short, as it's 6:43 and a little energizer-bunny of a girlie has already been up for an hour and 15 minutes. But I had to post this-Adam is on his way to his first Physician's Assistant school interview today. It's been a looong road and it isn't over yet-but I'm so proud of him and all he is. As of right now, he's gotten six- SIX- invitations to interview at 6 different schools; including the two schools that are here in the Valley of the Sun. He's accepted 5.
And this morning, he left for the first one.
This one is in Philadelphia...he'll get there tonight, and spend the majority of the day interviewing/seeing the campus/talking to current students; and then fly back home tomorrow evening, getting in about 10pm. Fast and furious. If you think of us at all in the next couple of days, pray for him. Pray for favor, for wisdom, for the right words as he interviews, for early notifications one way or another. We're supposed to hear something within 2-4 weeks of his interview. The hubs is pretty good with people, (ha! that's an understatement) so I don't think either of us is really too worried about the interview process, but still-this is a big deal. Actually, it's a HUGE deal. So please pray along with us. And celebrate with us! God is so good, all the time, and we are absolutely aware that is is HIS favor and HIS grace working in and thru Adam that has gotten us this far.

Diary of a {pre} Med Student{'s wife}

     Adam sat on my folks' couch this past Friday, the afternoon after he arrived here in smoky Colorado. We'd spent the morning swimming with the kiddos, and now I sat feeding the baby as the big kids played outside. As he scanned his emails on the Ipad, Adam began to read one aloud....


We are pleased to inform you that you have been invited for an interview....

      It was one day after his second round of applications to PA (and Physical Therapy, this time) school went out officially through CASPA. One day. And he's already had an invitation to interview. Holy Happy Dances, Batman!! Last time around, we heard...well...nothing. At least, not without multiple emails from Adam to the programs asking them what his status was. I am so proud of my husband-and he hasn't even gotten accepted to a program yet! I'm proud of the work he's put in thus far; for his determination, persistence, and most of all his choice to have a positive attitude during the first application cycle. Even as it became more and more clear it he wasn't going to get in-or even get an interview- the first time.
He continued to work on his application throughout the year. Padding it. Improving what he could. And, prayerfully making the decision to apply to not three but fourteen different programs all over the country.

Which brings me to the next part.......
....his first interview is for a school in Philadelphia. As in Pennsylvania. As in all the way across the country.

    I so appreciated my sister-in-law's reaction when she heard where the school is. After congratulating Adam on getting an interview and hearing that it's in Pennsylvania, she laughingly shook her head and exclaimed,
"The adventures you guys have-and will have!!"

     I loved it because she nailed it. It is an adventure. All of life is, no matter if you're moving all over the world with the military, working as a missionary in a foreign country, or living and working in the same town that you've grown up in. Sometimes it's hard to see it that way, though-because it's a matter or your perspective. And, although I don't love the actual packing and logistics of moving (again), dealing with the changes and the ways our kids react to change, new town, new state, new everything-I know that if we do happen to end up across the country-there's a reason for it. Because this life adventure we're on isn't the choose-your-own kind, but an adventure lived together with our mighty God directing our steps. We've met so many incredible people during our time in various cities and states, including our new digs in Phoenix; good friends who have become an extension of our family. Because of them and the way they've impacted our lives, I don't regret a single move. And I know if more moves are coming I will embrace that, too, because of the people I will meet next.
     
     The coolest part? Well, one of them, anyway. In May, when Adam sent his application into CASPA again (they verify everything before sending all the applications out via email on the same date), we prayed earnestly and specifically for an early interview and early acceptance. Waiting so long last time to hear anything, feeling like we were sort of in limbo the whole time; it wasn't the easiest thing. Especially for a man who is trying hard to balance providing for his family with pursuing this dream God birthed in him 10 years ago. That email? It wasn't just an invitation to interview. It was a beautiful answer to prayer...a breath of fresh air for both of us and a huge sense of relief for my husband. Proof that Adam is a desirable candidate; but more importantly that we're headed in the direction God has shown us.

     It's exciting and crazy and I so wish the baby and I could hop on that plane with him to Philly in August! Plane tickets being what they are right now, though, that's probably not going to happen. And this interview doesn't mean we're headed to the east coast yet-hopefully, there will be more interview invitations coming and we will have a bit of a choice; ideally even stay where we are right now. We are continuing to pray for favor in his interviews, and quick acceptance to one or several programs. At least one :) It was a landmark in this process, though, that first invitation-to-interview email-and I'm excited to see what it will lead us to next!

Diary of a (Pre)Med-student('s wife)

Now that the cat is out of the bag and I can actually blog about our potential move, that's just what I'm gonna do! I think that, for me, the only thing more daunting than packing and moving an entire family with littles to another state just might be trying to find a home for said family. Thank the sweet Lord for the Internet! Not that it helps with the overwhelming; just actually helps to be able to (sort of) see what the house looks like....I finally contacted a realtor down there today. I just need the help of someone who actually lives there and knows the area. you know, where the good neighborhoods are, what would be within reasonable driving distance to the schools Adam is applying to; that kind of stuff. Kinda helpful, since I don't really see us living in a hotel for months and keeping our stuff in one of those PODS-thingys while we look for a home....but really, what we need is some major direction as to where to even LOOK. I know it will all work out. I know, too, that God is the one orchestrating this move and if I believe that-which I do-I can trust Him to help us find a home in the right area. It's just a leetle overwhelming right now...'cause although I have family in Tucson, I've spent very little time in Phoenix and Adam has only driven through it. And the countdown is on to our trip down there, and we'd really, really like (or, ok, kinda HAVE TO) walk through a bunch of places while we're there. And hopefully find one we like.
Unless, of course, we get down there and decide it's not the place for us, which will bring on a whole 'nother set of challenges...Montana roadtrip, anyone?
Ok...I have to go back to my Internet search now. Wish me luck :)

Diary of a {Pre}Med-student{'s wife}

The only thing that has been consistent with this medical-career adventure has been change. Moving from our first married home in Durango, where we'd had some deep roots and wonderful friends; living with my parents for a year because the economy made it hard to find work; new classes every semester, new schedules, new job with somewhat consistent hours...change. Every semester, adjustments have to be made. And I think that {at least so far} we've dealt with it pretty well.
Hopefully we'll handle this next change even better, 'cause it's...well...pretty huge for us.

A few weeks ago {like 2}, we almost bought a house. And when I say almost, I mean we'd found a place, put in an offer, they countered, we countered, they countered...all that was left was for us to accept the offer.

But something just didn't feel right.

Adam was restless about it...which was weird, because he's the one who has wanted to buy a house pretty much since we got married. So, we did what every couple does when faced with a huge decision. We slept on it. And then took the kids on a run the next morning.

We talked, and talked, and talked. Up and down and around in circles....until, on the way back, about 1/2 mile away from our place, Adam said it.

"Or, we could just...pick a school, only apply one place, and move there in August," to which I replied
"...........huh."

It had never occurred to me before, moving early. We had thought we'd be in Ft. Fun until next spring. Neither had Adam, actually, until that moment. But as we contemplated it in silence-it kinda made sense. I felt a peace about it that I hadn't felt about the condo we'd almost bought. We could move and have 9 months or so to get settle into our new community; find a church, meet some friends...in short, build a support system where we'd be for the next 3 or 4 years {at least!}. Gotta admit, it sounded better to me in a lot of ways than moving one month and Adam starting his program the next.But before we made a decision, we knew we needed to spend some time praying about the move.
So we prayed. And fasted. And listened. And waited. Because you don't (we don't) make a move like this without hearing from the One we give our lives to. And what Adam heard was, "how many times do I have to tell you to go?" And so, we're going.
Most likely, we'll be moving in August. Most likely, we'll be moving to Phoenix in August, although the location is still not definite. Why Phoenix? Well, it's not as crazy a move as it may seem to some, especially to the Colorado contingent. Yes, it's big, and yes, it's super-hot in the summer. It's also 1-2 hours away from family...I was born in Tucson and spent every spring break there until I was a senior in high school. And home to 2 of the schools Adam has been considering all along. And pretty cheap to fly to-and-from, especially in the summer (because who wants to be in Phoenix in the summer??)

It's not 100% yet, but we're making a trip down there at the very beginning of June to look at houses and check out the area. There is a possibility that we won't end up in Phoenix...but if it's not Phoenix, it'll be Indiana or Montana (seems random, I know, but trust me it's not!). Either way, we'll be moving in August, once our lease runs out and in between weddings I'm photographing and classes Adam is taking this summer and next fall. There will be quite a bit of back-and-forth for me thru September, because I have weddings scheduled up here and in Durango, but it's not an issue since tickets are so cheap!

It's a bit surreal, thinking about moving out of Colorado. Adam has lived here since he was 8; I moved here {from Arizona} when I was about 8 months old. I lived overseas for 6 months in high school, and Adam has of course spent a lot of time in France, but neither of us has lived anywhere else in the States. Exciting? you bet. A little crazy? well, not yet but if we find a place in June it will be! I'm looking forward to getting settled into the town where we'll be for the next 3-4 years, at the least. We've loved being in Ft. Collins again, loved being by my folks and re-connecting with old friends, loved having free babysitters (thanks, Grammy & Grandaddy!); we love our church here, too. But we have always, always had in the back of our minds the time when we'd be leaving, again. Sometimes I feel like we're constantly living in transition-and have been from the moment we knew we were leaving Durango, back when Pax was 14 months old. I'm ready to be...planted again for awhile, I guess. To be able to set down some good, solid roots again in a place where our kids will remember living {although I'm pretty sure Pax will remember Ft. Collins, I know-sadly-he doesn't remember living in Durango and B won't remember living here}.
I also know that, although we're moving away again, we won't actually be away from our family. That's how it worked out when we left Durango-our family (by blood and by choice) went with us. We've kept in touch, visited, emailed. And I know the same thing will happen again this time. I know it will be hard to be so far away from my parents for a lot of reasons; but I also know they'd come to the ends of the earth to visit us {or, at least, their grandkids!}.
So here it comes again...more packing :) one of my least favorite things to do, packing up the house....but I'm getting pretty good at it!
I know I might be coming across as a little flippant...but, truly, this whole thing is a huge step of faith for us. Basically, we're moving and trusting God to see to the details-house, Adam getting into a program (the first time around!), everything. That was the whole point, really-this move would be a step in faith, not knowing the details or even if it will work out, but trusting what we've heard from God now and in the past, and...just going. Trusting. It's not always the easiest thing, for sure. Especially with two littles who depend on us for everything; I think if we didn't have kids, it'd be totally different. But-another step of faith. Because that's what we've built this life of ours on-faith in a God who is infinitely good, infinitely loving, and infinitely wise. A big, crazy step...but that's what faith is. Unseen; seemingly irresponsible or ridiculous to some--just stepping out, one foot at a time, in the direction we know He's pointing us.

Diary of a (Pre)Med-student('s wife)

I've spent the last 3 nights looking at diagrams of dissected cats & brains, helping my husband study for his Anatomy & Physiology midterm today...and although I'm more than happy to help him study...I may never eat another chicken wing again. (there's a reason he's the one getting into medicine)

Diary of a (pre)med-student('s wife)

I'm tired. So very, very tired...but why? My kids actually slept well last night (well, except for that wetting-the-bed incident). Maybe it has something to do with the 84,395 million things running through my head, which I tell myself I MUST somehow get done before we move next Tuesday (which include but are not limited to packing the house, final editing of the wedding I shot 2 weeks ago, and doing laundry, as well as working out. Although somehow, that one isn't working out (ha!) so well right now) I'm sitting at my computer, listening to Pax yell out every excuse in the book to get out of bed...a new trick in the past couple of weeks. And so very annoyingly frustrating..I keep telling myself that it's because of all the transitions going on; because he's a very strong-willed little guy and is head-deep in 2-year-old testing; because he (like most toddlers) doesn't like change and no matter that he's very smart and understands what's going on-he's still 2. Doesn't completely get it. So I need to have patience, and grace, for him. For myself. But sometimes...well, it's hard. Trying to keep him quite from naptime to actually asleep is the biggest challenge lately, but important, because our bedroom shares a wall with his and Adam is just on the other side of that wall trying to sleep. Of course, my son doesn't care about this and would rather wake Daddy up to play, nevermind that he worked all night and got home at 7:30 am. What does this have to do with being the wife of a pre-med student?
Well, nothing.
Except that the whole pre-med thing is why our schedule is like this; why my husband works at a hospital; why we're up in Ft. Fun again in the first place.
We're moving next week, into our own place, exactly a year after we thought we'd be moving out of my folks' home. It's been a year of learning to wait.
I'm not good at waiting. Or being patient.
But I AM better at it than I was a year ago (thankfully! or my husband might be in Hawaii right now...). And I'm getting a (very small) taste of what our life will be like for the next-oh, I don't know-maybe 8 years? Maybe more. Maybe less.
The moving, the studying, the crazy hours at the hospital that keep changing, the kids re-adjusting to the new schedule in time for it to change again...
and I'm ok with it. Really, truly ok with it. The schedule-crazy-kid-thing I'm still trying to figure out, as far as how to make it go smoother each time, but I figure by the time we get to the end of this journey I'll be a pro at it! Ready to take on any schedule they throw at us. And the moving thing? I actually like moving...it's an adventure, even if it's just across town. It's just the packing part I don't like. Well, and the part where my son gets so anxious (because, again, he gets it but he doesn't) that he flips out about his hands being wet. Or dirty. I can't remember which it was...oh, that's right, he flipped out because his hands were dirty, and THEN flipped out because they were wet. You know, after we washed them.
But the moving thing-I like it! We're actually enjoying the roulette game that will be moving for med (or D.O., or P.A., or whatever it ends up being) school because both of us have lived for most of our lives in Colorado. I do, however, understand why the boy doesn't like it; last time we moved, we told him he'd see all his friends and family in D-town again-but he thought we meant in like 3 days. Not 3 months. So, he's understandably a little worried about when he'll get to see Grammy and Grandaddy again.
I'm trying to figure out where I'm going with this.
I think this sums it up though--the Thankgiving before we moved to Ft. Fun, I spent a morning praying for my husband (which I do often-for him, and lots of other people, too). God gave me a word picture for him of a tree at dawn, maybe 10 years old, bare spring branches except for a few buds that were beginning to appear. Along with it came the verse Psalm 27:14
"Wait on the Lord; be Strong, take heart, and Wait on the Lord,"
I painted it for him as a Christmas present, and it hangs (well, hung; since I've already packed all the decorating stuff) on the wall in our bedroom. And every time this year, as jobs fell through, as school got crazy, as a new baby's birth approached, as decisions need to be made about when and where and how, we see it and read it-and it calms our anxious hearts. My anxious heart. And we've waited. And we wait. Not sitting and doing nothing, mind you-we try to make the most of each day we're given, and not live in expectation of what "might be" or "could have been". Just waiting on the Lord; taking our courage from him, our rest from Him. 'Cause I'm pretty sure (ok, I KNOW) I can't do this without Him. Which is a very, very good thing.

Favor

Adam has an interview on Thursday for a lab tech relief position at the hospital. He's applied for this same position aprox. 52 times ( I could be exaggerating a bit, maybe...not much, though!), along with everything from Sta*bucks to Wal-M*rt, without even a callback...the economy isn't so hot up here right now. I know this. I also know I have been praying very specifically for a job that would help Adam in his pursuit of medicine...as well as help provide for our little family. So, this week, I am praying for favor. Favor in the interview-favor in our finances-favor in our family's pursuit of this dream (because in order for this to really work, it HAS to be a team effort. Not just him going to med. school). There are those think it can't (or shouldn't) be done, the way we're doing it. But we know that this is the road God showed us-so we know that, no matter the end result, we are right where we're supposed to be. Smack-dab in the middle of His will. So we pray for continued guidance-and favor in this interview. Will you pray with me?

I could, but....

I could do it, you know. I could walk out the door, take my resume to the schools, get a teaching or aiding job, and quickly solve so many of our "problems". I would have a steady job, bringing in steady money. It would take the burden off my husband, who has been struggling with not being able to provide for his family the way he feels he should. He could just focus on school and not have to even think about working part time. It would enable us to move into our own place, perhaps even to buy a house, instead of staying at my folks' house unsure of when we'll be able to move out. We could have our own space, a room for the new baby, a place for our friends (when we make any...) to come over and hang out. I could put my son in daycare, or at least in an in-home caregiver situation, leaving the everyday raising of my son to someone else. In some ways, it would be so much easier...relieve so much stress...but I know that I know that I know that this is not what God is asking me to do. When Adam and I began exploring this move, I thought about going to work full time...and ended up sobbing. I knew I didn't want someone else raising my kids, even if it was a good friend or a grandparent. I knew that God had blessed my family with these children, and that he was calling me to the ministry of full-time Mama. It's been the hardest and most rewarding job I've ever had...I knew it wasn't time for me to go back to work full time. So...what next, since our family still has to eat? That's the cool part...since making the decision with Adam that I would continue to stay home with our kiddos, and having absolutely no idea how it would work out, God has provided (and is continuing to provide) ways for me to bring money in to our family. Steadily all summer, and now...well, it's taking more leg-work for me at this point to get things "official", but it's still working out. I recently decided not to continue the childcare I was going to do in our home, for several reasons, and felt a mixture of relief and fear. I'd just let go of our only "steady" source of income. Freak-out time...but. I felt right about it. I have time now..time to focus on a couple of business ventures, time to spend with Pax, time to be more flexible with Adam's schedule (does that make sense?) and-one of the most exciting things to me- more time to focus on the new baby when it comes. It's hard, figuring out this juggling act...we have some very specific things we believe God has told us about this new season. However, they seem to be completely opposite sometimes: start the road to med school, stay home with the kids, have flexible jobs, don't work full time...either of you. How will we provide for our (rapidly growing) family?? Only God knows. I'm working on that being enough. I'm working on letting go and just trusting that God WILL provide a way for all this to happen, because He's the one leading us on this adventure in the first place. Somehow, that was much easier to do before I had kids. Adam started school yesterday, and today I'm overwhelmed with love and thankfulness for my husband-I know this isn't easy for him either, but he's so supportive. As much as he wants to be a good doctor, he wants to be a good husband and father more. He's had a hard time with not having a way to provide for us, with feeling bad that I've been the one providing-I've told him again and again that his going to school IS providing for our family. It's taking a step toward caring for our family in the future, as well as following what God has told him to do. I'm so thankful that he is going forward with this dream, instead of bowing to the pressure of "you can't start medical school, you have a family!!". I'm so very proud of him. It can't be easy to be going back to school, feeling like the old odd man out with a wife and kids, and riding your bike past sophomores who used to be "yours" in youth group (true story...it happened yesterday).

The Next Step

Finally, I've gotten the green light to let all of you who don't already know in on what's happening in our lives! In September, Adam was talking with a good friend/mentor of his who asked him a question that would soon rock our little world: Do you see yourself being a youth pastor forever? It got us both thinking, praying, wondering, fasting about our future and where we were supposed to be heading next...because we've both been feeling for awhile that while there is no doubt that the River Church in Durango, Colorado was where we were supposed to be for a season, we weren't called to be employed full-time at a church forever. We left for Hawaii shortly after the questioning started; a blessing in many ways, but mainly because it gave us unrestricted time to be together, talk, and seek God's direction. Upon coming back to Durango we knew our time as the youth pastors here was coming to an end. But what was next? More praying, talking, asking, seeking...and medical school for Adam came back into the picture. Adam has been interested in medicine since before I met him; the summer we met he was taking the EMT course and couldn't hang out with our group of friends much because he almost always had class at night. It became a running joke...little did I know what significance it would hold in our future! Flash back to about 6 months before we got engaged...May 2005. Adam had applied for a job at United Blood Services, and, seeking God's direction in both our lives we prayed that if God wanted Adam to pursue medicine (at that time, PA school) he would get the job. He got it, and that's where we thought we'd be headed right after I graduated...but, as usual, God had other plans. So we became the youth pastors at the River Church instead! Ok, so it didn't happen quite that easily...but it happened. We were a little confused, since we felt God had clearly said "yes" to medicine. We also knew we were to be at the church working with the kids. So we figured it was for later...jsut didn't know when "later" was. Well, here it is! Later. And so, come May 25th, we will be moving back up to Ft. Collins so Adam can start on his pre-reqs for med school. No, we don't know what field he's going to pursue-or what school he'll go to-or where we'll live-or how we will live-but we DO know that God is calling us to this next step. And when God calls, we must obey. So here we go! Excited, nervous, unsure as to how it will work out but compleatly at peace that it will work out. I'm so thankful for the past 4 1/2 years we've had in Durango. Moving here was a very hard transition for me, but I knew there was a plan for me here...and it's been amazing to see what He has done. I will miss all the kids, the friends, the family. I'll miss singing on a wonderful worship team, and working with a senior pastor who has been so supportive of us both. I am trusting that God knows my dreams and cares just as much about seeing them come true as he does Adam's. A long road is ahead of us. I know. But I also know that without the time we've spent at the River Church, we would have an even harder time getting through med school without sacrificing our family. Adam has had a mentor who has become a true friend and has taught him more about being a husband, father, and man of God than I would have thought possible in a year and a half. I have complete trust in my husband and the man he is and will continue to become; I have complete trust in my God and the joy He takes in us following His path for our lives. We could use your support, though. Transitions like this are never easy! ...will you join us in this next step?