The Fog.

There's a time for Adam and I that starts pretty soon after that sweet, new, much-awaited bundle arrives that we affectionately refer to as "the Fog". I suppose if people are honest (which, for some strange reason, a lot of new mothers are not...) everyone goes through The Fog. It's that time when day and night blur into one long, long day; when our focus turns inward to our little family unit as we work to establish feeding schedules, sibling adjustments, healing of sore bodies, and try to find out what the new "normal" looks like with another little person in tow. It's a season of nursing, of catching a catnap whenever you can, of weeding out the things in our life that aren't the MOST important things in order to leave room for the things that have become the most important. It's a season of slow changes; of small, 2-degree adjustments made until things are back in alignment. The Fog took us both by surprise the first time around (but then, everything took us by surprise the first time around...including the baby). I knew-WE knew- things would change after Baby. Just how much they would HAVE to change in order to have a healthy marriage and a healthy family-that was the surprise. As was the small son who didn't sleep through the night consistently for a long, long, long, LONG time. I don't think I even realized how long the Fog lasted with Pax. With little B, we knew it was coming. The surprising thing to me this time was that THE FOG HAS LASTED JUST AS LONG. Silly me, I thought perhaps with the second one things would be gone quickly! (Actually, in a lot of ways it IS easier the second time around....like the part where we actually feel like we might have a little bit of an idea what we're doing now...)
I think the Fog is a good thing, really, in many ways...it forces us to focus more on our children (and our marriage) than we would if everything went instantly back to normal after I'd given birth. If we had stayed just as busy, just as committed to our outside endevors that sweet little bundle we waited so long for could've easily been shunted off to one side. The downside of the fog is, well, if you're not careful you can forget there's even a "normal" world out there that you're still part of. Because the fog can last a long time...for us, at least, it seems to last through the first year of life. It's not always the heavy, dense fog of the newborn days; it gets lighter and is more of a haze, I suppose (I sound like I'm describing San Francisco in the morning). The point is, I'm just starting to feel like we're coming out of the fog. Baby girl turned 11 months old last Sunday-although, really, I don't know how that happened since I just gave birth to her. I can see her changing from baby to toddler before my eyes. She's communicating more every day, plays with her brother until they both are breathless with giggles, stands on her own, climbs the stairs like it's her purpose in life, and has weaned herself off of all but 1 feeding a day.
That last part she did within the span of a week and no, I was not ready for it. But there's no arguing with an 11-month old who won't stay still long enough to nurse, and therefore doesn't eat enough, and therefore wasn't sleeping very well. I gave in and gave her a bottle before bed-the kid slept like a champ. Totally worth it.
and now? the fog is lifting. I can see the end her nursing days drawing nearer. And then what?
When you've had 2 kiddos in 27 months-although I know it's much farther apart than the babies of some of our friends-having your body "back" to yourself almost seems like a luxury.
I won't have to think about nursing schedules.
or pumping.
I can wear regular bras again (seriously....can't wait to go to VS!)
and finally lose this baby weight, as my body seems to think we're on the verge of a famine and it must hold onto every.ounce. in case I need to nurse until my baby is 5.
I can travel without my kids--not saying I have any plans, but the fact that I COULD is kind of fun.
And, let me tell you, photographing 6 to 8 hours for weddings this summer will be MUCH more fun when I'm not nursing.
My kids are actually both sleeping through the night, in the same room, successfully, 75% of the time. Which means that Adam and I are getting maybe 4 or 5 nights a week of solid sleep (well, at least when the kids aren't sick. or teething. or having nightmares...) Pretty sure between being pregnant (which does not equal sleep for me) and the babies themselves that hasn't happend in over 3 years.
I can see the fog lifting--and I'm so excited for this next year and all it holds for our little family. For the possibilities, the plans, the dreams God's given us to chase in 2011... just as excited as I am to celebrate Christmas with a 3-year-old who GETS it this year and an 11 month old who thinks paper is the coolest thing since sliced bread, and will probably spend all morning shredding wrapping paper with great joy while ignoring the actual presents.
I truly am thankful for the fog, and the opportunity it's given us to focus so very much on our little family. but I'm even more thankful to see what's waiting on the other side of it.