A dream...reborn? Second Wind.

     I just did something completely terrifying (for me) and absolutly exhilirating, at the same time. I signed up for a completely awsome 4 DAY photography conference here next fall. Terrifying, because I'm fignting the lies in my head about not being good enough or hip enough to join this awsomeness (hey, I'm just a stay-at-home homeschooling mama who happens to have a photography business on the side!); exhilirating because of the timing and the way it all came about.
     I see God in the details, although perhaps others would just say "coincidence". But no. For 2 years now, I've wanted to do a flash course or a photography conference; something with continuing education and hands-on photo experience and personal critiques, with some business sense thrown in the mix. WPPI is too far away with 3 kids and a husband in grad school and everything else... well. A year ago, I priced a flash course out with a fellow photog. here in Phoenix I happen to know/ sing with at church; but couldn't afford it at the time. 2 months ago, doubts started creeping in about whether or not I should even keep going on this journey; should I keep my business? I wanted to; this has been a dream of mine since I was a girl and I LOVE what I do. But kids, doubts, time, my own fears get in my way sometimes. Yesterday, we got the next loan installment, which is prettymuch what we live off of right now, with some help from parents and a bit from my photography business. Last night, on my instagram feed, the same photographer I asked about the flash course last year posted about a conference she'll be a part of next fall. She said they'd sold out in 48 hours, but were opening 10 more spots today at noon. I looked it up and knew I wanted to go. Showed it to Adam...asked him about investing in this opportunity...heard his encouragement, not only of the conference but also of chasing this dream and making things happen, regardless of his time restraints right now (which is a big reason I haven't been pursuing much right now, but just letting business trickle in). I decided to wait. To pray. And then to just see if there were any spots open at noon today....
.....and then I forgot all. about. it. Something about feeding my children lunch and a little girl who needed a bit of discipline attention and homeschooling got in the way until 2pm, when Adam asked if I'd looked at the registration.
I got on the site...and there were spots open. Honestly, I was shocked.
 "Are you ok with this?"
 "Honey, if you feel good about it, go for it," he told me (he's so great!). So I clicked the reservation down to "1", pushed "book now", and quickly called my mama to ask if she'd be available to come those days, since it starts on a Thursday night and who knows what my husband will be doing at that point in time. She said yes-and I reserved my spot.
I'm freaking out.
Good and bad...
fighting the lies
knowing this is a direct answer to prayer; that if that Instagram message had been one week earlier I wouldn't have given it a second thought.
knowing He gave me the creativity and desire to record relationships and memories through photography
knowing there's much more to this than possibly growing my business.
knowing that this conference won't necessarily make or break me; that there's work to be done right now.
I offer my gifting up for His glory, and I'm excited to see where this leads me...and to see how He'll provide the bookings to pay for the rest of it. Because I know He will.
Now pardon me while I go freak out a little bit more...