for the first time ever, on the way to a little birthday party Pax had been invited to, I almost had to pull over to separate my children. Yes, my 3-year-old and my almost-1-year-old. And it was the little almost-1-year-old who was causing the trouble! She kept reaching her tiny hand over to touch Pax's milk cup. Well, Pax likes his things a certian way, so he asked her to stop (which she totally understands); I told her no touch...she kept doing it. I looked back-she gave me the sweetest, most angelic little smile. And stopped touching the milk cup. And started putting her baby doll on her brother's "side". Which continued to drive him crazy. So he began to growl like an angry bear (truly, that's what it sounded like!) at her and push the doll away, again and again. Again, I told Blythe "all done" and, at a stop, turned around to take the doll away. She looked at me with that sweet, sweet smile again...and laughed.
And it hit me.
My 11-month-old already knows how to tease her brother. He likes things a certain way--AND SHE ALREADY KNOWS IT.
Looks like there won't be room for anyone else in our car anymore...her seat will be moving, soon. Much much sooner than I expected, thanks to the little pixie. She may look innocent, but...
And that little party Pax went to? well, "little" may be an understatement-it was a crazy party for a 3-year-old (one of Pax's little buddies) with LOTS of kids of all ages. On the way out, we had the typical discussion about behavior (you know, in between the big-brother-baiting): We talk nice to kids, not nasty; we don't hit or kick other kids, etc. (not that Pax usually does those things, but it's always good to remind a physical little boy of the rules BEFORE the chaos and sugar hit). At the party, there were several 6-8 year old boys there, running around doing little boy stuff-only these boys weren't so nice. And their mothers obviously hadn't had the we-play-nice-with-kids discussion beforehand. They liked to play the "you can't play here" game. Which worked pretty well on the other little kids, who simply went somewhere else to play when the bigger guys bullied them. My son? Welll....
When the biggest of the boys tried to push Pax away from the gate dividing the upstairs and downstairs, telling him he couldn't go down, Pax insisted he COULD, in fact, go down. Which was true. They went back and forth a bit, with Pax becoming more and more adamant that it was ok for him to go downstairs. The bigger boy held the gate closed with one hand and tried to push Pax back with the other.
so what did my stubborn, determined, confident little guy do?
He obeyed me perfectly.
He didn't talk nasty to him.
He didn't hit him.
He didn't kick him.
He did, however, lean over and bite the big boy's knuckle.
Guess I forgot one.
But somehow, I couldn't get too mad at him...am I crazy, or should a little guy have SOME way to defend himself against bigger kids who bully them?
I want my kid to be polite. I want him to treat others with respect.
But I still want him to know it's ok to tell people no if they're treating him in a way he's not ok with. I want him to be able to stand up for himself, his sister, or any other kid who is being picked on. And I don't want to completely squash the determination, stubbornness, or aggression that are part of his male-ness...just refine them a bit and teach him how to be wise in using those things.
Am I completely wrong?
That's the thing about the Toddler School of Life...I'm never sure just who is in school!
But didn't they look adorable on Christmas Eve?
2 comments:
I am not sure I would have done it any differently; it had been Anna or Benen - sometimes they have to learn to figure things out on there own.
And Benen became the little brother very quickly - as soon as he could walk he would walk up behind Anna and try to take her out at the knees - crazy how they just learn that stuff on there own.
I think you got it right on, sister! You don't want your kid to BE the bully, but BEING bullied is not right either. Mike is a firm believer in the "You punch that kid right in the face" rule. Changed his life, so I guess he knows. It's knowing where that line is, that's what we have to teach our kids. Or, to be kids. :)
Look how much he looks like you!
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