Diary of a (pre)med-student('s wife)

I'm tired. So very, very tired...but why? My kids actually slept well last night (well, except for that wetting-the-bed incident). Maybe it has something to do with the 84,395 million things running through my head, which I tell myself I MUST somehow get done before we move next Tuesday (which include but are not limited to packing the house, final editing of the wedding I shot 2 weeks ago, and doing laundry, as well as working out. Although somehow, that one isn't working out (ha!) so well right now) I'm sitting at my computer, listening to Pax yell out every excuse in the book to get out of bed...a new trick in the past couple of weeks. And so very annoyingly frustrating..I keep telling myself that it's because of all the transitions going on; because he's a very strong-willed little guy and is head-deep in 2-year-old testing; because he (like most toddlers) doesn't like change and no matter that he's very smart and understands what's going on-he's still 2. Doesn't completely get it. So I need to have patience, and grace, for him. For myself. But sometimes...well, it's hard. Trying to keep him quite from naptime to actually asleep is the biggest challenge lately, but important, because our bedroom shares a wall with his and Adam is just on the other side of that wall trying to sleep. Of course, my son doesn't care about this and would rather wake Daddy up to play, nevermind that he worked all night and got home at 7:30 am. What does this have to do with being the wife of a pre-med student?
Well, nothing.
Except that the whole pre-med thing is why our schedule is like this; why my husband works at a hospital; why we're up in Ft. Fun again in the first place.
We're moving next week, into our own place, exactly a year after we thought we'd be moving out of my folks' home. It's been a year of learning to wait.
I'm not good at waiting. Or being patient.
But I AM better at it than I was a year ago (thankfully! or my husband might be in Hawaii right now...). And I'm getting a (very small) taste of what our life will be like for the next-oh, I don't know-maybe 8 years? Maybe more. Maybe less.
The moving, the studying, the crazy hours at the hospital that keep changing, the kids re-adjusting to the new schedule in time for it to change again...
and I'm ok with it. Really, truly ok with it. The schedule-crazy-kid-thing I'm still trying to figure out, as far as how to make it go smoother each time, but I figure by the time we get to the end of this journey I'll be a pro at it! Ready to take on any schedule they throw at us. And the moving thing? I actually like moving...it's an adventure, even if it's just across town. It's just the packing part I don't like. Well, and the part where my son gets so anxious (because, again, he gets it but he doesn't) that he flips out about his hands being wet. Or dirty. I can't remember which it was...oh, that's right, he flipped out because his hands were dirty, and THEN flipped out because they were wet. You know, after we washed them.
But the moving thing-I like it! We're actually enjoying the roulette game that will be moving for med (or D.O., or P.A., or whatever it ends up being) school because both of us have lived for most of our lives in Colorado. I do, however, understand why the boy doesn't like it; last time we moved, we told him he'd see all his friends and family in D-town again-but he thought we meant in like 3 days. Not 3 months. So, he's understandably a little worried about when he'll get to see Grammy and Grandaddy again.
I'm trying to figure out where I'm going with this.
I think this sums it up though--the Thankgiving before we moved to Ft. Fun, I spent a morning praying for my husband (which I do often-for him, and lots of other people, too). God gave me a word picture for him of a tree at dawn, maybe 10 years old, bare spring branches except for a few buds that were beginning to appear. Along with it came the verse Psalm 27:14
"Wait on the Lord; be Strong, take heart, and Wait on the Lord,"
I painted it for him as a Christmas present, and it hangs (well, hung; since I've already packed all the decorating stuff) on the wall in our bedroom. And every time this year, as jobs fell through, as school got crazy, as a new baby's birth approached, as decisions need to be made about when and where and how, we see it and read it-and it calms our anxious hearts. My anxious heart. And we've waited. And we wait. Not sitting and doing nothing, mind you-we try to make the most of each day we're given, and not live in expectation of what "might be" or "could have been". Just waiting on the Lord; taking our courage from him, our rest from Him. 'Cause I'm pretty sure (ok, I KNOW) I can't do this without Him. Which is a very, very good thing.

Friends...

are wonderful things to have. Especially this type of friend; the kind who has been through so much with you and whom you still keep in touch with, even though you live far far away from each other now. Jason is the world's biggest practical joker-half the time you can't tell if you should believe what comes out of the guy's mouth or not (and half the time, you SHOULDN'T); Nicole is my preggo buddy (she's also the world's best packer. I could use her help again..). Our boys were due 4 days apart, and born 4 days apart; our baby girls were due 2 days apart, and born 2 days apart (although I was supposed to be first that time...). We love their big girls, who also love our kids...Pax and Byron are super-buds. Blythe and Peyton will be...they just don't know it yet :)

These great friends called me up months ago to ask if I'd do a family shoot for them this summer. (of course, I said YES!! please!!) then, they decided they wanted to come up here for the shoot...not an easy task with 4 littles! We had so, so much fun with them last weekend...and I had so, so much fun photographing them...and since my "professional" blog is--well--still under construction...I had to post some pictures here of our friends.It was so, so hard to choose...their kiddos seriously all have the most beautiful eyes. THIS is why I love to do what I'm doing. I love to capture the beauty in the people around me; in their relationships with one another. It's a small gift that I can give to people-whether I know and love them, like these guys, or have just met them. I have so much to learn-so much further to go as a photographer-but I'm thankful every day to be doing something I love so much. I mean, aside from being wife to a pretty great guy and mama to two adorable littles of my own...

This is what happens when your big boy-cousin adores you....

...and he can't get your big brother to play cowboys with him.

Ready to ride, little lady?

6 months.

Happy

half-

birthday

to

me!!!

p.s. actually, it was yesterday.

p.p.s. but Mama took the pictures on my actual half-birthday!

Night Terrors

Adam's on night shift again tonight-the start of week 2 out of 3 weeks training on this shift- and I'm scared. I'll admit it.
Last night, after a week of too little sleep for Pax-too many late nights interrupted by crying (he never sleeps well the first week A changes the shift he's working, for some reason), too many too-short naps because my nephew is in town, and my little guy doesn't want to miss ANYTHING; topped off by a horrible night Friday night which ended, for him and me, at 4:30 AM...
...add to that a tiny 30 minute cat-nap because we had friends in town (more about that later-so, so much fun!) and didn't want to waste a minute sleeping when he could be playing with Byron (and we let him...)
and you get what we got last night. Night Terrors.
Terrifying for me, anyways...he doesn't remember any of it. which is kinda freaky in itself, because, as you know if your kid has ever had night terrors-they seem like they are wide awake the whole time they're freaking out. Which for him was about 20 minutes last night.
Possibly the longest 20 minutes, ever.
He'd had a bad dream earlier in the night...we eventually brought him to bed with us (which, fyi, we never do...that just tells you how bad this week has been, sleep-wise.). About an 1 1/2 later, around 11:30, he shot straight up, screaming. Yelling. Hitting, kicking, not to be consoled at all...by anything...
all we could do was lay him on the floor (so he wouldn't hurt himself) and talk to him. Sometimes it seemed like our voices soothed him for a bit...until he started screaming again.
My mama-heart ached. I was sweating (so was he!). Adam, thankfully, was calm....at first he tried putting water on his neck, to wake him...but quickly we realized nothing was going to wake him until this was over. I prayed. Outloud. A lot. I have never felt so helpless & unable do ANYTHING for one of my kiddos...
Finally. Finally, he woke up. A had been asking him questions that, if he'd been awake, he would have answered happily...things like do you want chocolate ice cream? Do you want to watch a show? do you want to go buy a new train?? ...to which the little guy screamed "NO!!!!". This, mostly, is how we figured out he was asleep. At some point, my brain registered "He's having a night terror,"; my good friend Jill in D-town went through this with her little girl for awhile. That helped, a bit, knowing what was going on...
Somehow, he woke up. We snuggled on the couch and watched Pra**e Bab* for awhile (like Bab* Ein*stei*, but set to worship music). After he'd calmed, we asked him questions again, just to make sure he was now awake. What's that? An elephant. That's right!! What letter is that? It's an "E". (you get the idea.) A asked him if he wanted to go to bed. He did. In his bed. After my husband tucked him in, he went straight to bed and slept soundly the rest of the night.
I went to bed and cried.
My wonderful husband just held me and let me cry...although I'm pretty sure he was asleep within a minute of laying down.
I have never, in my experience as a mother, felt so at a loss to know what to do. When my babies cry like that, hurt like that, I want to fix it. Now. I'm pretty sure this is what every mother feels...
and there was nothing I could do, except give my little boy into the arms of his Heavenly Father, who loves him infinitely more than I ever could (which boggles my mind) and wait.
At least I'm not completely alone tonight, even if Adam is away.
He will never leave you, nor forsake you...
I cling to that tonight.

Letters of Intent

Dear Blood-sucking, child-biting, all-around annoying summer bugs;

Please stop devoring my small son. I know he's adorable, and you probably can't help but sneak a little taste to see if he's as sweet as he looks- but he's 2 1/2. He's not. And I would really, truly appreciate it if you left a few spots on his skin bite-less. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get an almost-3 year old boy NOT to scratch his bites?? No? I can hear you laughing at me, by the way. Seriously, please stop biting him. You don't bite anyone else in the family (well, except for me-that's right, I felt that bite on my foot the other night. Thanks.); and truly, don't you find four bites on his small ankle and foot in a half-hour's time to be a BIT exessive? what'd you do, invite all your buddies to the buffet? I'm running out of Benedr*l cream. And patience. The kid is hard enough to get to bed while it's still light, without him calling out "Mama, I have a BITE!! I need cream on it." Every five seconds. I can still hear you snickering, by the way. This is my last resort-I'm asking nicely. At least leave something of him for the giant flies in California to taste next month.





Sincerely,

the Mama who will be investing in a bug-zapper, a fly swatter, and one of those citronella tiki-tourch thingys, just for good measure.

Crazy Busy

sooo..what have we been up to?

A little of this

and a little of that...

....some of this

and trying that for the first time....

...and this for the first time.

Playing here

...and pushing her ...

meeting him (at the zoo)

and climbing mountians with him.

Hiking with them,

and snuggling with him.

And now he's here,

for some of this

and lots of that.

all of which makes him do this

and me do this

and is it any wonder I haven't blogged in awhile? We've been too busy LIVING!!

Happy Summer!