Letters of Intent

Dear Blood-sucking, child-biting, all-around annoying summer bugs;

Please stop devoring my small son. I know he's adorable, and you probably can't help but sneak a little taste to see if he's as sweet as he looks- but he's 2 1/2. He's not. And I would really, truly appreciate it if you left a few spots on his skin bite-less. Do you have ANY idea how hard it is to get an almost-3 year old boy NOT to scratch his bites?? No? I can hear you laughing at me, by the way. Seriously, please stop biting him. You don't bite anyone else in the family (well, except for me-that's right, I felt that bite on my foot the other night. Thanks.); and truly, don't you find four bites on his small ankle and foot in a half-hour's time to be a BIT exessive? what'd you do, invite all your buddies to the buffet? I'm running out of Benedr*l cream. And patience. The kid is hard enough to get to bed while it's still light, without him calling out "Mama, I have a BITE!! I need cream on it." Every five seconds. I can still hear you snickering, by the way. This is my last resort-I'm asking nicely. At least leave something of him for the giant flies in California to taste next month.





Sincerely,

the Mama who will be investing in a bug-zapper, a fly swatter, and one of those citronella tiki-tourch thingys, just for good measure.